If you don’t want your kid to grow up and unpack childhood trauma in therapy, you might want to avoid these common mistakes. Sure, maybe it’s not that deep, but let’s be real, I’ve experienced some of these firsthand, and yeah, I still hold some resentment.
Parenting is hard, and no one’s perfect. But some of the things that seem small or harmless at the moment can have a long-lasting impact on your child’s confidence, self-worth, and emotional well-being. So, if you’re wondering whether some of your habits might screw them up later in life, let’s break it down.
1. “Because I Said So”
Telling kids to “just do it because I said so” might work when they’re little, but eventually, they’ll start questioning everything, and if you never give them reasons, they’ll resent authority and do the opposite.
Instead of telling them to obey, teach them how to think for themselves. Give them age-appropriate explanations so they learn to make good decisions—not just follow orders.
2. Making Your Kid’s Life Too Easy
Look, I get it. You want to help your kid. You want them to focus on school, get good grades, and succeed, so you take care of the little things. You do their laundry, clean up after them, and maybe even handle all their scheduling so they don’t have to stress. It sounds like good parenting, right?
Fast forward a few years, and now you’ve got an 18-year-old who’s book-smart but life-dumb. They’re off to college or moving out, and suddenly, they have no clue how to cook a meal, wash their clothes, or even unclog a sink. You thought you were making life easier for them, but really, you were just delaying the struggle.
The truth is, letting kids struggle a little now makes life a whole lot easier later. Teach them how to cook, clean, assemble furniture, budget money, and solve basic life problems without calling you every five minutes.
Let them mess up, try again, and figure things out. Because trust me—it’s way better for them to burn a pancake now than to move out and realize they don’t even know how to turn on a stove.
3. Shutting Down Their Questions
Yes, hearing “But why, Daddy? But why, Mommy?” for the 27th time in an hour can make you want to crawl under the couch. But constantly dismissing their questions or rolling your eyes at their curiosity teaches them that asking questions is annoying—and before you know it, they stop.
Fast forward to adulthood, and they struggle to speak up, challenge ideas, or explore new knowledge because, deep down, they learn that curiosity is a nuisance, not a strength.
Encourage their questions. If you don’t know the answer, find out together—Google is free!
4. Mocking Their Emotions
Telling kids to “stop crying,” “man up,” or “it’s not that bad” might seem harmless, but it teaches them to bottle up their emotions instead of processing them. If they grow up thinking that sadness, frustration, or fear make them weak, they’ll either suppress their feelings or explode when they can’t hold them in anymore.
Instead, acknowledge their emotions, teach them how to navigate feelings in a healthy way, and remind them that being human means feeling things—not shutting them down
5. Only Caring About the Result
Imagine your kid running up to you after a game, breathless and excited, saying, “I tried so hard today!”, and instead of celebrating their effort, you hit them with “Yeah, but you missed the last shot.” Ouch.
If you only focus on the result (the grades, the wins, the trophies), your kid’s going to start thinking that effort means nothing unless it’s perfect. And that’s a problem.
Because when kids feel like they have to be the best or not even try, they either burn themselves out chasing perfection or stop trying altogether because they’re terrified of failing.
Instead of just celebrating the A+ or the winning goal, praise the effort, the progress, and the persistence it took to get there. Let them know that failure isn’t the end of the world—it’s part of learning, growing, and getting better. Because the last thing you want is a kid who thinks messing up means they’re not good enough.
6. Ignoring Your Own Mistakes
Kids are way more observant than we give them credit for. Acting like you’re never wrong doesn’t make you look perfect—it teaches them to dodge accountability and blame others instead of owning up to their mistakes.
If you mess up, admit it. Apologize. Show them how to fix things instead of pretending nothing happened. Kids learn more from what you do than what you say, so set the example of responsibility and growth.
7. Comparing Them to Others
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” “Look at your friend, he got straight A’s!” These comparisons might seem like motivation, but to a kid, they sound like proof they’re not good enough.
Every child has their own strengths, and constantly holding them up against others kills confidence instead of inspiring improvement. Instead, focus on their individual progress and unique abilities—help them become the best version of themselves, not a copy of someone else.
8. Turning Innocent Friendships Into “Romance”
Anytime a child plays with a friend of the opposite gender and an adult says, “Oh, who’s your boyfriend/girlfriend?”, it might seem harmless, but it can actually make kids self-conscious about normal friendships.
This unintentionally teaches kids that boys and girls can’t just be friends without romance being involved.
Instead, let kids form friendships naturally without assigning romantic expectations. Let them be kids.
9. Never Show Up for Events
I still remember how much it stung. Ninth grade, it was a big game, and it felt like everyone had someone there cheering for them, except me. It’s one of those moments that sticks with you, not because you wanted a parade, but because you just wanted to feel like someone cared enough to show up.
I’ve heard so many similar stories. Like the kid whose parents missed every chorus concert. They finally brought home a program to show them, hoping for some acknowledgment—only to find it in the trash the next day. That hurts. That’s the kind of thing that makes a kid think, “If they don’t care, why should I?”
Parents, show up for your kids. It doesn’t have to be big, dramatic, or perfect. Just be there. Cheer them on. Ask about their interests. Let them know their effort, their passions, and they themselves matter to you. Because feeling unseen by the people who should care the most? That’s something they’ll carry with them for a long time.
10. Mocking Your Kid’s Interests
Kids’ hobbies or interests can be lame sometimes, and it seems harmless to roll your eyes when your kid is singing, drawing, playing video games, or rambling about their favorite book series. But when parents constantly dismiss or make fun of the things their kids love, it sends one clear message: “What you enjoy isn’t important”.
It might be fun when you tease them, I get it. But kids might perceive it as “I must be terrible at this” or “Maybe this is dumb after all.” Over time, they stop doing what once made them happy—not because they lost interest, but because they were made to feel embarrassed about it.
Reminder
You probably recognized yourself in at least one of these. Relax. The fact that you care enough to read this means you’re already ahead of the game.
Fix it, and start again, and keep perfecting day by day.