Parenting is a wild ride. Some days, you’re a superhero, and others? Well, you’re just trying to survive.
Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. These parenting hacks might not win you any awards, but they’ll definitely give you a laugh (and maybe a little inspiration).
Save it for the next time.
1. The Pretend Neighbor Call
One time, I called the house phone, got my daughter to answer, and pretended to be a neighbor complaining about the noise. She quieted down immediately.
2. Renaming All Meat as “Chicken”
Got a picky eater who only likes chicken?
No problem—just rebrand everything. Pork becomes pork-chicken, fish is now fish-chicken, and steak? You guessed it, steak chicken. It’s a masterclass in marketing, even if it’s a little dishonest.
3. The “Ears Turn Red” Trick
Tell your daughter that the kid’s ears turn red when they lie, but only parents can see it.
Now every time they do, they’re covering their ears. Ethical? Debatable. Genius? Absolutely.
4. The Nap Threat
Need some quiet time? Announce, “I’m taking a nap. When I wake up, we’re deep-cleaning the whole house.”
It ensures your kids won’t bother you by telling them to wake you up in an hour so we can start cleaning the house, they will do anything to avoid waking you and having to clean.
5. Switching the TV to Spanish
If bedtime’s a struggle, here’s a tip: change the TV language to Spanish (or something they cannot understand) and tell them they must be too tired to understand it anymore, that way they’ll go to sleep faster.
6. The Allergic to Alcohol Lie
A friend at school’s parents told him he was allergic to alcohol, which they said they found out when he accidentally drank some as a toddler.
They told him he was in intensive care and nearly died. On his 18th birthday, they told him they made it up so he didn’t drink when underage.
7. Selective Hearing
I told my nephew I couldn’t hear whining but would respond to a “nice voice.” You’ve never seen a 4-year-old adjust their tone so fast.
8. It’s Hot
After my toddler touched something hot, I used the moment to warn him about other “hot” things in the house.
9. Noise-Canceling Survival Gear
When my baby’s cries hit banshee level during bath time, I got noise-muffling earmuffs. Some might call it overkill, but it let me focus on soothing him without losing my sanity. No regrets.
10. Can I Have A Bite?
Broccoli? Salmon skin? Cucumber slices? I acted like these were the most exclusive delicacies on the planet and begged my kids to share.
Like, “Oh those broccoli are the best, can I have a bite?” Suddenly, they’re fighting over who gets the last piece of broccoli
11. The Bedtime Clock Trick
My mom was a wizard with clocks. She’d change them to make bedtime come faster. “Oh, look, it’s almost 8:30! Time for bed!”
12. Nobody Eats My Food
I have a bite of something on my fork and look away distracted while saying “Nobody better eat my cucumber” and when I turn back, it’s always gone.
13. The Mickey Mouse Cutter
For our toddler, we use a Mickey Mouse-shaped cookie cutter to shrink oversized treats. Hand her half a cookie, and we get hounded for the other half. Hand her a Mickey-shaped cookie. She’s thrilled. It’s all about presentation guys.
14. Hide and Seek
If your kids love playing hide and seek, especially when you’re in the middle of chores.
Try this, have they go hide while you “count down from 100.” It buys you precious time to break down boxes or fold laundry. Then you can go and find them—it’s a win-win.
15. It’s Spciy
My fellow Asian dads, remember this?
Everything is spicy. Beer, wine, chocolate, cookies.
Reminders
Just use these hacks with caution—you don’t want to tell too many lies to your kids and risk them losing faith in you. Pick your battles wisely!