The Context
“I started a new job a year ago. Despite the promise, the company goals have shifted and I’m now all over the place all the time. Asia, Europe, the USA, Middle East. I travel T least 2 x per month ranging from 3 to 6 days. Every quarter there’s a 90% chance of a 7-10 day international trip (which leaves me busted for at least a full day when I return).
I just got home from a 4 day trip and while at dinner my daughter said, “Dada. Can I ask you something?” “Of course” I say. Then it hits me like a cement truck… “Daddy. Can you find a new job where you don’t have to leave me so much? It makes me so sad.”
She’s 4.5 and very emotionally in tune. I feel so bad. I also don’t love what I’m doing – which doesn’t help.
Is anyone else here (have been) in this spot? How’d you get through it? Did you make a change?
My job isn’t a “f-you” money job but it’s good pay. The folks I work with are kind but mostly apathetic, uninspiring or completely lack empathy.
I know folks with worse but I don’t want to be in that position down the road. After realizing this is now being recognized, it hurts and I feel guilty and overall just sad.”
Credit: u/OriginalDaddy
What To Do When Your Kids Say So
For kids, time spent together equals love. They don’t understand work pressures, financial responsibilities, or long-term career goals—they only know that when you’re gone, they miss you.
When you have to be away for work, it’s important to make sure your kids feel heard, involved, and reassured. Here’s how:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Don’t dismiss their sadness—validate it. Let them know it’s okay to feel this way. So maybe instead of “Sorry, I have to do it”, try “I know it’s hard when I’m gone. I miss you, too.”
Remind them that even when you’re away, you’re still thinking about them.
2. Give Them a Role
Kids feel more in control when they have a way to participate in the process. Let them help you pack, even something small like picking out socks.
Set up a “travel mission”, like letting them choose your hotel, help you pick your flight seat, or plan a fun “welcome home” activity for when you return.
3. Explain the “Why”
Even though I work from home full-time, there are days when I cannot participate in playtime because of long hours. I try my best to explain why I work and how it helps our family, especially allowing my wife to stay home with them.
It’s not always easy to discuss these things with a 4.5-year-old, but it’s worth a shot. Even if they don’t fully understand now, the foundation of open communication is being built.
Children may not understand financial responsibilities, but they can grasp the idea of security and comfort.
Instead of saying “I have to work,” frame it in a way that makes sense to them:
- “Daddy works so we can have a home, delicious meals, and fun things to do together.”
- “This trip helps me take care of our family, and I’ll be back soon.”
Remember: Kids don’t always need you to fix their sadness, they just need to know their feelings matter.
Ask Yourself: What Matters Most Right Now?
For dads feeling caught between work and family, take a step back and list the pros and cons of staying in your current job. Does it provide financial security but take away too much time from your kids? Or is there a way to change your job without sacrificing stability?
Once you have everything laid out, you might see a path forward. In the best-case scenario, you could switch to a job that gives you more time at home.
Not every dad has the luxury of stepping away from work to spend more time with their kids. Providing for them is part of loving them, too.
But in the pursuit of a better future, it’s easy to forget to be part of their present.
Just remember, the early years are when your kids need you the most. As they grow older, they naturally become more independent, and the time you have with them will shrink. Make sure you’re present while they still want you around.
Reminder: Make the Most of the Time You Have
If quitting or changing jobs isn’t an option, then the key is to be intentional with the time you do have.
For me, I had to set a hard rule, when I pick up my kids from school, the work phone goes away. No emails, no Slack messages, no “just a quick reply.” That gives me about two solid hours where I’m fully present, helping with homework, hearing about their day, and just being a dad. Work can wait until after they’re in bed, but these moments? They won’t wait for me.
If your time is limited, protect what you do have, because to your kids, even small moments of undivided attention mean everything.